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Showing posts from 2015

In Time

Tuesday...

Another typical hectic working day.
No... I'm not complaining about my work though.
I love my job! I sincerely do love what I have right now.

Anyway...
As I was driving back home from work, Landon Pigg's Can't Let Go (acoustic version) is blasting on my speakers.
I hit the repeat button, mindlessly.

It suddenly hit me hard.

I may have faced the cold harsh truth of reality that things were impossible to happen but deep down inside, in the darkest corner of my heart... the aching is still there.
A small wound that never really healed.

They say you could never fully get over your first love.
This puzzles me.
It makes me wonder if this is my very first time to actually 'fall in love'?
I have never honestly feel this aching before.

I just find it ridiculous to feel this way.
It's just absurd but I can never shake it off my chest.

It hurts...

The pain is too sharp that it pierced my emotional armour effortlessly making my throat dry from the inconsistency …

KITA

KITA... Kau Ingat Tak Apa untuk kau sewenang-wenangnya salahkan takdir andai hidup ini tak seindah yang kau impikan?

Kita ni seorang yang baik... Selalu tolong orang, pandai jaga hati orang tapi satu je sifat kita yang kita tak sedar kita ada ialah, kita selalu rasa diri kita "dianiaya".

Maksud "dianiaya" ni ialah, bila kita selalu rasa orang tak pernah nak faham apa kita rasa. Bagi kita, hati kita takde seorang pun yang tahu nak jaga. Satu dunia lah asyik nak sakitkan hati kita je.

Pendek kata, kita rasa manusia sejagat tak tahu lah nak hormati perasaan kita.

Sejujurnya, kita terguris dengan setiap orang yang kita jumpa.

Kita sedar yang kita mesti ade pernah terguriskan hati orang lain jugak tapi apa yang kita sebenar-benarnya tak sedar ialah, dalam kita sibuk dengan hidup rasa diri "dianiaya" tu, kita tengah tikam kawan kita sendiri bertubi-tubi. Tapi, atas dasar persahabatan, kawan kita senyum je biar kita hunus dan tarik keluar bilah pisau tu. Dah lal…

Macbeth

Just because we don't talk anymore, doesn't mean that I've forgotten about you. It doesn't mean that I no longer care.
The truth is, I still do. I do my best to check up on you, to see how you're doing. To see if you're okay, but every time I get the urge to talk to you, it suddenly hits me that we're strangers. 
You don't want me in your life, hence the reason why I'm no longer a part of you. Even though everything's changed, I just want you to know that I'm still here. I'll still be here for you. I'll still lend you my shoulders and my ears.
I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing. Don't  hesitate to talk to me, because all this while, I wish that you were talking to me.
I just really miss your presence. I miss your smile. I miss your voice. I miss your scent. I miss your laugh. Ah, I just miss you in general.
I'm just keeping my distance because I know, I can't have you...

Rindu Orang Sebelah

Hati manusia, semuanya sama...
Mudah mencinta dan mendambakan untuk dicinta.
Andai telahan aku salah, mustahil penyair jiwa mampu lagukan isi hatiku?
Tanpa pernah bersua mahupun bertukar kata-kata,
apa yang tersirat jauh dalam lubuk hati aku mampu dia rangkapkan dengan kemas.

Tapi, biar sekuat mana aku teriak pada dunia,
tak mungkin engkau mampu mendengarnya.
Apa harus aku coretkan isi hatiku terus ke minda engkau
agar kau mengerti maksud senyuman aku?
Mungkinkah sejelas itu yang engkau perlukan untuk merasakan aku?

Tersentak mimpi tatkala dunia menyapa keras.
Pedih, luka lama seakan tiada harapan untuk sembuh.
Baik saja aku hunus pisau tajam ke jantungku dari terus sakit kerana rindu.
Mengapa makin aku lari jauh makin tak terbias perasaan ini?

Kata orang, panggilan yang teragung itu tak pernah disahut.
Bergema ruang angkasa pun tiada seri jika laungan tak disambut.
Sudah, kenapa masih lagi di situ walau parah ditoreh kecewa?
Rasional diri tewas taktala emosi bertakhta.
Secebis harapa…

Itu Aku

Selalu...
Bila lewat malam, phone conversations mulai "deep". Mula lah keluar all the theories tentang previous life, astrology, horoscopes bagai...
Years have passed but I can never forget all the things you've shared. My favourite part will forever be, "we were together in the previous life".
Aku, Setiap kali topik ni keluar akan cakap ianya impossible sebab aku sangsi. How can we exist in the previous life if aku tak percaya kehidupan selain sekarang?
Kau, Tak pernah jemu cuba untuk convince aku yang life is larger than what we believed in. Tanpa berniat untuk pesongkan akidah siapa-siapa, kau tetap dengan penjelasan yang forever akan buat aku terima sebab ianya masuk akal. Kau cakap walaupun aku tak percaya, itu tak boleh menidakkan fakta yang ianya wujud.
Rindu... Bila garis di telapak tangan menunjukkan takdir yang berbeza, haluan yang lain... Kau selalu ada cerita untuk pusingkan supaya jalan hidup kita tetap selari. Bila tafsir elemen diri kita tak sela…

Hati

Ingin terus aku hilang,
Tapi entah kenapa,

Aneh,
Hingar bingar kota tidak lagi menenteramkan jiwa...
Lalu aku harus kemanakah?
Perlukah aku terus berjalan?
Atau terus berlari?
Namun biar merangkak sekalipun,
Kemanakah harus langkah ku pergi?

Kosong...
Bunyi dunia terdengar bagai bisikan,
Apakah aku kini di seberang?

Berpaut pada ranting tak ada gunanya andai dahan dah rapuh.

Lumrah...
Alam tak mungkin berpaksi pada yang tidak hakiki.

Another Note On The Fridge

Often people tells you to be yourself...
Be comfortable in your own skin...

However...

At some point in life, people tend to ask you to change to suit the society.
You just have to blend in with your surroundings.

If it's for the betterment of humanity then you should alter but if it's just for the sake of being noticed... please rethink before altering yourself!

Hate to admit but our society have set a very high standard on what's "normal".

Instead of just absorbing blindly on what they labelled or say about you, why don't you stop messing up your mind but just relax instead.

Once your mind is calm, start thinking deeply on their comments.

Not everyone is concern with your life but there are those who actually do.

Start by separating criticism and negative feedbacks.

Re-evaluate them and if you happen to feel that some suggestions do make sense which will help you upgrade yourself, why don't you proceed with it.

It may be hard in the beginning but always…

Estranged

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No matter how you foresee things, no matter how you kinda expecting an end to eventually happened, you'll be caught off-guard once it actually took place.

A sudden goodbye ain't always neat.
Although you know that separation is inevitable, no words can describe the "lost"-ness you feel that grips tightly onto your emotion when it occurs.

You began questioning your every decisions and all the choices you've made.

Wondering if you could ever love again and most of the time, wondering why did you even fall in love in the beginning?

There are times when what puzzles you the most is why do you keep going back to the things that hurts you in the first place?

Often in relationships, even with different partners... people tend to date similar type of person whilst consciously knowing why things will somehow or rather crumbles (based on past experiences).

So why do people go back to the situation that breaks them down? Most of the time it's due to their emotional cond…

It's All About Sex

Was supposed to fall asleep hours ago but then my brain started to play this "let me play you some old skool hip hop songs and let you discover what you've been singing all this time!" game.

Okay... Not so old skool and not all hip hop...
But then while I was trying to recall the lyrics, only then I realised I was singing about sex all those time!

Not that I didn't understand English back then but mostly because I have no idea on those sexual lingo at that time. I was so into Ja Rule, Nelly, Baby Bash, Daddy Yankee, Sean Paul and the list goes on and on and on...

Still into their old songs though.

As much as I always try to figure out the meaning of Mando Pop songs...
I should do more research on English songs as well!

Even Spice Girls sang about sex (go google 2 become 1) and it's no wonder why my dad refused to buy their album for me!
Even if he explained back then, I wouldn't have understood anyway haha

When people said my generation's music was trash.…

Would It Be?

Fine...

How fair it is to judge someone based on what they portrayed themselves, online?

Would it be okay to assume their online character is their true colours?
I mean, wouldn't it be easier to let yourself be the real you, online instead of offline?

Right now, if you don't know me personally...
It's only fair that you assume I'm that weird lonely Asian girl who still blogs in the year 2015.
This site is NOT my diary but it kinda seems like you're reading a journal of an immature girl eh?

Ok... point taken!

So...

Online vs offline... Is it fair?

Wave

Every year, I vow to blog more and every year I hardly blog anymore.
Could it be because I don't have much time as I used to or I just don't have any content to blog about?

Oh well, there are a lot of things I wanna share with the world but the moment I open this space, I just don't know where to start.

Hence why this site kinda look sappy...

Anyways... I just wonder... what if today is our very last day?
Have we given our all or did we die in vain?

Regrets... As much as I want to believe in Jennifer Aniston's quote that goes,
"there are no regrets in life, just lessons", I somehow do have regrets...

It may seemed small to the others but if I were to be given a chance to travel back in time to fix some chapters of my life thus far, I would. Even though it might alter my future.

Pungguk Rindukan Bulan

Suria timbul, purnama menghilang, Sayap setia masih tak terbang, Biar saja ia terduduk di situ, Mana mungkin dipaksa andai ia tak mahu, Ia tak 'kan bakal jatuh ke riba, Dia tak 'kan mampu diam selamanya, Ceritera lagenda nan tragis pengakhirannya.

Nafas

Langit ku lihat pudar, Riuh jiwa kini sunyi, Dingin menular, aku sepi Waktu seakan mati...
Terus aku menari, Ligat aku berlari, Kuat aku menyanyi sekuat hati, Masih tiada erti...
Ingin ku sapa entah di mana, Ingin ku mula entah bagaimana, Lalu aku merindu dan terus fikirkan kamu, Hanya itu yang aku termampu...
Jelas,
Waktu tak pernah mati, Jiwa tak mungkin sunyi, Rindu tak akan ada erti, Bila mata dibutakan hati...
Derai luluh terus mencurah, Pedih luka terus berbisa, Penat, jasadku rebah, Adakah ini gelora?
Menanti aku di tengah jalan, Tegak terus aku kaku, Biarkan ia layu di situ kerana rindu itu seksa bagiku...
Luka lama ditoreh lagi, Terbang jauh khayalan aku, Dibawa angin, dikutip rindu, Masihkah adanya aku?
Atas nama bimbang, ku kucup sang bayu, Desir angin membalut hati, Mungkinkah bintang akan bersinar lagi? Apa yang pasti, hilangnya bulan digantinya matahari.

When There is No Tomorrow

It's strange how things can drastically change in a blink of an eye.
As people are still celebrating the new Gregorian year, uploading #throwback pictures on their SNS, a sudden flashback was inevitable.
Friendships were made, relationships were broken, friends became strangers, strangers became buddies and lots of unspoken words kept too long waiting for the right moment to be expressed. Sadly, that much awaited "right moment" is never going to come.
I had my chances but I took time for granted.
I didn't realise how huge was the gap I've created between me and my loved ones in the name of "chasing dreams".
Distance exist because efforts are missing. I had time on my side but I made no effort to visit Miss Dewigah even though I am fully aware of her health condition. I felt like I wasn't successful enough to meet her so I decided to postponed my visit. I decided to only meet her when I have something huge to show her. On November, 16th, 2014 she fel…

Nuptials

After years of not going to the cinema (work related movie screenings, NOT counted), finally went out with my colleagues to catch 'The Wedding Ringer' and 'The Couple'. Yes, two movies back to back!

Was it fun? Double thumbs up for TWR but TC was a huge disappointment as a huge Thai horror movie fan. Anyways... This post is not about movie reviews. It is just a random thought that I had while watching TWR.

There was this one scene where the bride honestly tell the groom's best man that the real reason why she married him was because she have had enough of dating losers and apart from the fact that the groom is a family-material kind of guy, he is also financially stable. Hence, she is marrying him because he could support her high-maintenance lifestyle.

Rationally, everybody (yes including me) in the cinema was like, "what a b***h!!". However, come to think of it, if we dig deep in the deepest darkest corner of our heart, are we any better than her? When …

Intuition

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Hello February...

Was supposed to write a long overdue new year post last month but was caught up with work and stuffs.

So here it begins...
As you may have always known, things were NEVER really smooth for me.
There is always something that's bugging me or stopping me from being where I want to be.

Nevertheless, as slow and rough as it may seemed, I am finally in a production team! Yearp... quit my job and started a new career late last year. Was it a hasty decision? Come to think of it, there is no such thing as "hasty" decision when your heart knows what it wants.

A lot of people questioned my decision but once they see that I am happier doing what I do now, they understood.

True, leaving behind a permanent position to be a freelancer working on contract basis without an assurance of the future is a pretty risky move. Yet, I believe at that exact moment of my life, its the right thing to do. I just knew it. As miss Gomez always say, "the heart wants what it wants…

Pause

Hi, adulthood...

I never thought you would be so complicated.

When I was a kid, I've always thought that I would be rich and happily married at the age 25.

Surprise.Surprise!!

It's 2015 and there's 7 months left until I officially turns 25.

NOPE! Not rich as I imagined and am still single. *sigh*

I wonder who created this crazy idea that 25 is the ripe age for girls to settle down.
Perhaps this culture was relevant in the 70's but how can it still be relevant now?
I just started my career last year, how rich could I be? Plus the last time I had a boyfriend was at 16. It's 9 years ago.

Anyhow... I'm not complaining about being an adult.
I was just having some half-mid life crisis in the previous paragraph.

Sometimes I wonder, where did all the time went?
I can't remember if it was well spent.
All I can see is massive gap between me and my loved ones.

I must say that my life revolves around workplace and family.
that's it! I don't hangout with my budd…

Hello

Hi, I'm fine...

Just when I was about to write thing long overdue post, something came up!
Yes, I gotta go...

BUT trust me, I'll be back tomorrow with a very long cliché new year post!!

For the time being, let us figure out why is the "Waitress" still single...